May 31, 2012

Goodbye from Doug

(Doug passed away this morning, May 30, at 10:45 am surrounded by family and with his loving wife Dianne. We found this post that Doug wrote some time ago and know he would want it posted.)

I used to have a pair of wings, silver, that I worn on a chain around my neck for awhile last year. I asked that they be kept near the bed because I would need them to get me up to heaven, or wherever else I end up. Not hell - I don't believe in that and I am one of the good guys anyway. Wherever I'm going, I'll be there by the time you read this.
I wanted to say goodbye, but there's a lot more I need to say so I asked my dear Dianne, my soulmate, to make sure it got posted.
Worried about the future. Lots of good, but overshadowed by greed and pursuit of power. We cheer when dictatorships fall but we see the short-sighted decisions made by our own governments all in the name of betting re-elected.
We are idealistic when we're young but we learn that these ideals will never be reached as long as their are ways to achieve power over others and greed and money etc. Disheartening. Helps us to focus on our own lives, etc.
Not physical beings on a spiritual journey but we are spiritual beings on a journey through the physical plane.

Have made mistakes, but these are identification marks of our humanity.I am the product of all I have done and I will bring that with me.
Starting a new journey.

Used to say I would leave on a spaceship. That's how I look at dying.

So hard for Dianne. Afraid of being left alone and growing old without someone to understand her.

What I will miss most!

Followers. How they touch me.

Permit me this final dollop of guilt and let me ask Dianne if she can ever forgive me for leaving her.

Remember me fondly. Wherever I go, whatever happens to me, I will have that much immortality.

"All of this makes more precious each hour of those we have been given; it demands that life must be useful and rewarding. If by our work and pleasure, our triumphs and our failures, each of us is contributing to an evolving process of continuity not only of our species but of the entire balance of nature, the dignity we create in the time allotted to us becomes a continuum with the dignity we achieve by the altruism of accepting the necessity of death.
A realistic expectation also demands our acceptance that one’s allotted time on earth must be limited to an allowance consistent with the continuity of the existence of our species. Mankind, for all its unique gifts, is just as much a part of the ecosystem as is any other zoologic or botanical form, and nature does not distinguish. We die so that the world may continue to live. We have been given the miracle of life because trillions upon trillions of living things have prepared the way for us and then have died—in a sense, for us. We die, in turn, so that others may live. The tragedy of a single individual becomes, in the balance of natural things, the triumph of ongoing life." (Sherwin Nuland - How We Die)

78 comments:

Art Gosling said...

Dianne,

You must be, as I am of my brother, so very proud of the legacy that Doug has left behind as a result of his thoughtful, insightful and very personal postings to his blog. He has touched the hearts of so many and so many have responded in kind – giving him great comfort in knowing that bearing his soul, his hopes and his fears was such a worthwhile endeavour. We will all miss him, but we will never forget him.

Love

Art

Lori Hope said...

My beloved Dianne,

How can I not address this message of love, utter grief, and hope for healing to Doug as well as you and everyone who loved and will continue to love him as long as he exists in our hearts, minds and souls?

As Doug exhorted so many times, I will not not stand at his grave and weep. And I certainly will rejoice in the extraordinary brilliance of an ordinary man and thank you for encouraging him to share the most intimate and profound parts if himself so that countless others could benefit.

You must be overwhelmed, but if a time comes when you would like to share with me anything in particular you would like my readers to know about Doug (anything at all), please do let me know.

With love and hope, and through as Julio Cortazar said, "the exact sorcery of chance",

Lori
www.lorihope.com

Anonymous said...

How can it be that I am so moved by the passing of a man that I never met? I didn’t say, “that I didn’t know”, simply because through his blog, I felt very much that I got to know Doug. His thoughts and words have become part of who I am when it comes to accepting my own mortality.

I know that when I near my end, that I will read and re-read Doug’s writings. It will be like embarking on an unknown journey, less fearfully because I hold Doug’s map. “Hey Bud, it’s kinda dark. This way? Shine your light over here, will you? Thanks. I feel your hand on my shoulder, Doug. I am not afraid.”

It is said that one cannot fully understand another’s journey unless one has also travelled the same journey. This is true. As a hospice volunteer, I could offer compassion and loving-kindness, but I could never offer any understanding of what people had been through in the time before they came to hospice. I am using Doug’s blog as a basis learning of this journey. I address, this next bit to Doug, in prayer:

“Doug, I will always think of you and how you have impacted my life. My own passing will be gentler, kinder and filled with peace because of your example.

In my hospice work, each time that I reach out to another soul on their last journey, your words, your teachings, your beautiful love and humanity will guide me.

I hope, that over the years, as you look down from above, that once in a while, you will glance my way and offer occasional guidance when I don’t have a clue what to say or what to do when I am in the presence of someone who is dying. Whenever, I feel that intuitive nudge, and then I somehow do or say the right thing, I will think of you Doug.

It is so good to have friends in “High Places”. And heaven is as high as you can get. Love from a grateful stranger. Doug, I do believe that one day, we will meet.”

– Michael Corrigan

David said...

Hi Dianne, i helped Doug setup the original wolf at my door website and worked with him when i was at Longview in 2007.

The writing Doug has done over the past several years is going to leave a great resource to others who find themselves in similar situation. Doug was a great & brave man, and I just wanted to let you know my thoughts go out to your entire family.

Lorraine and Ralph said...

Dear Dianne
Ralph and I were very saddened to hear of your great loss.

We feel very priveleged to have spent the week-end in Doug's company and helping to grant his wish of spending time at the lake.

lsroberts said...

Dianne and family:

Thank you so much for sharing Doug's last post and supporting him through this incredible journey.

"Priceless" cannot begin to describe the legacy he has left with many of us who did not know him personally. I know this was a concern for him - his legacy. He certainly raises the bar for the rest of us. What incredible insight, learning, and unique knowledge he shared with so many!

I know that I do not deserve to share your tears even though they already flow. I did not know him personally, and yet I knew him at one of the most critical parts of his life's journey through the connection of his blog posts. I will continue to do my best to honor him, sharing his story with many for as long as I walk this earth.

Peace be with you,
Lisa

Alex Greene said...

I read of Doug's passing this morning with surprise, followed by grief for knowing he will not have any more posts to send us, and that his journey through life has now ended.

We all truly need very few things in life - a little dignity, some hope, some happiness. I hope you received all of those in your time.

Rest easy, Doug. We'll all miss you. And thank you for all your posts, and the insight into your life and death.

Anonymous said...

Dianne,Colleen and Arthur: My thoughts of sorrow go out to you. What a journey Doug left for everyone the last few years. Doug has helped thousands with his journey up until yesterday but it is Doris who is shining brightly. Doug took my seat at the bar and is drinking my wine but I am sure they will save me another seat. Wishing all of you strength and thank you for the call Colleen.
Carolyne

Bob B. said...

This has been a fascinating if rather unsettling journey and I am deeply indebted to Doug for inviting me to accompany him part of the way. Is it really just 48 hours since his last blog posting? As he said, "surreal".
My condolences and best wishes for peace to all those he left behind.

Melissa, Death with Dignity said...

Doug's legacy of helping people learn about living with a terminal illness continues. Today, we dedicated our #DWDchat TweetChat to his work to raise awareness of death and dying. The transcript is available here: http://bit.ly/KZKmxo

Wishing you all the best,
Melissa
-------------
Melissa Barber
Electronic Communications Specialist
Death with Dignity National Center

Anonymous said...

I am so saddened to hear of Doug's passing into spirit. He has left a wonderful wealth of information in his blogs for those who are facing the experience of death and dying.

Many people are terrified of death and what will happen to them. So Doug's legacy has been to show them not to be afraid and to live each moment in the present, one step at a time.

My condolences to Dianne. No doubt she will feel lost without her dear man in the physical. But he will no doubt be close by, sending her love and light from spirit.

I had a spiritual teacher many years ago who told me, when my dear mother passed over, that while we may weep tears of sorrow at our loss at a loved one's passing, on the Astral, spirit are crying tears of joy that their loved one has returned home. Gave me much comfort.

John said...

just in case you forgot them on the table, you put up a long fight, you earned them.

for you : http://data1.ca/dg/

peace .. wings

john

Anonymous said...

Dear Dianne,

Doug's message and inspiring words traversed seas. A resident of France, I've read his posts since day one with enthusiasm to understand, to learn and to empathize.
His message taught us not to fear death and to embrace, not distance loved ones who are suffering similarly.
Doug's words will forever serve as a beacon to help others navigate through difficult times with dignity, courage and heart.

My deepest condolences and warmest wishes,
Annabel

Anonymous said...

Dianne,

My heart goes out to you.

Doug was a remarkable man, and was able to do so much because of the love and support you gave him. I've learned much from both of you about love, marriage, courage, and wanting to make the cancer care system better.

I'll never forget these important lessons.

Sarah Downey

Jjodie9 said...

Dear Dianne, I am so thankful for all the insights that Doug shared regarding the process of dying. He was a wonderful husband to you and you will miss him. Please accept my sincere sympathy and prayers for your future

Anonymous said...

Thoughts and prayers to the family during this time and the times ahead.

Thank you so much for sharing Doug's last post.

Dianne Carmichael said...

Dianne,

I am saddened to hear of Doug's passing. He was a wonderful man and a great inspiration to us all. My only regret is that our friendship was so brief. Yet he had a great impact on me. You might recall I sent him a cozy white housecoat with his name embroidered on it a few years ago when hed had a turn for the worse and was unable to attend a conference. We often both spoke or attended Patient Destiny. My thoughts are with you and your family. If there is anything I can ever do for you please don't hesitate to reach out to me. Warmly, Dianne Carmichael

Russ McGowan said...

We are all diminished by Doug's passing on May 30th, 2012. However we all stand taller having known him, either for a short time or long, either in person, on the pages of a book, or as an online beacon. We all miss you Dougie, and will continue to miss you in the future, but are better able to move forward as a outcome of having known you.

Laura Shook said...

Rest in Peace, Doug. Thank you for your generous spirit, for leading the way with sincerity and honesty. You have genuinely helped so many with your decision to die digitally.

Dianne, I am praying God will strengthen and carry you through this difficult time.

God bless you,
Laura

Lisa said...

Doug,
I had a very good friend who died the same day you did. It will take me some time to reconcile with her death. I did not get enough time with her and I miss her so much. I hope your blog will stay open for some time so I can read it. I came across it as i was looking for her obituary. I didn't find hers but I did find yours. Maybe reading what you wrote will help me get from where I am to something more accepting. Thank you for taking the time to write. Lisa

Dianne Gosling said...

Hi. This is Dianne Gosling ... Doug's wife. I feel such an emptiness without my Doug at my side. I have lost such a large part of who I am. He was the most wonderful, loving, kind, generous, funny, brilliant, etc. man and I was the lucky girl who he fell in love with and shared his life with. I must tell you that City TV will be doing a piece on Doug on Thurs. June 14 at 6pm. Avery Haines interviewed me a few days after Doug's funeral. I hope you will be able to watch or find it. City TV is in Toronto, Canada. I must share with you that Doug was wearing his "wings" the day of his passing. I did not want to remove them after he passed. I knew how important they were to him. The last words we exchanged were "I Love You". Those words were a gift to both of us and I will forever cherish the moment.

I am so proud of my Doug. When I found his last blog that he had started last year and updated just in April of this year I was saddened to see he was so worried that I might not forgive him for leaving me. Of course I do forgive him...I know he did not want to leave me. Our time was far to short ... we would have been married for 35 years on July 23, 2012. we have been together for 36 years. Doug was an amazing husband, father, son, uncle, and friend.

I thank you all for all your wonderful heart felt comments.


Doug is in peace now. He suffered far to much these past 5 years. He never complained of his pain. He was very sick with sepsis just prior to his death. I nursed him back to health, or so I thought, but his body and soul were far to tired to continue fighting. He was surrounded by myself, our daughter Caralia and her husband John.

I am going to post a poem Doug wrote during a guided visualization session at the Dorothy Ley Hospice day progam. It will be on his dying digitally site soon.

Much Love to you all. Dianne

trysweettalkcom said...

I just saw this news. Deep sympathies to his loved ones. The courage, vulnerability and generosity of these posts have been and will continue to be deeply affective. Thank you.

Laura said...

My deepest condolences to Dianne and family. I remember seeing Doug on CityTV and immediately bookmarked this blog. My father is in advanced stages of prostate cancer and only God knows how much sand remains in his hour glass. I had just found my father only this past year - and he was almost immediately diagnosed. It was not much later that I found Doug and read his journey. I am so thankful to you both,. and so sorry for your profound loss. I hope you know how many people he has touched - and helped. My prayers are with you and your family.

Rest In Paradise Doug

Anonymous said...

What a brave and inspiring way to document the unknown.

Love Nilla

Anonymous said...

Farewell and rest in peace Doug. My father suffered from prostate cancer for 12 years and Doug's blog helped me to understand what my father endured even though he has been gone 10 years. Although I can never have him back, I carry him in my heart always. With deepest sympathy to the Gosling family.

Anonymous said...

I had the privilege of getting to talk to Doug last November for a story that was featured in the Dunnville Chronicle (http://www.dunnvillechronicle.com/2011/11/28/being-a-part-of-the-dreaded-3) and was instantly touched by his words.

At the time, he told me he would be able to last more than a year. I guess that wasn't the case as fate would have it.

I know I'm late to this, but I just found out he had passed. I just wanted to express how much his words affected me and how much I enjoyed listening to his stories over the phone. I'm glad I got to know him during that interview. We shared laughs together, he reminisced about good times, hard times, and memorable times. I listened intently. I have kept the story in my portfolio because I need to read it every once in a while. I don't do that with all my stories. Doug left a huge impact on me, and it's safe to say he did with many, many others.

My thoughts continue to be with his family. You were all blessed to have been able to know a truly amazing man.

– Matt Day

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